Here’s the thing about Johnny Depp, when he’s Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, he’s a doll. I mean, I just want to take him home. In his other movies he’s like, “Yuck.” But he’s a such good actor, and the characters he creates — with the help of the script and director — are interesting and fun to watch. Yeah, I like Johnny Depp. Sometimes I just want to take him home, regardless, which would really, really upset my boyfriend. Not because he would be jealous. No, he absolutely hates Depp because of his politics. However, since I review movies and blog about them, my boyfriend has no choice but to watch movies with actors he despises because they dare voice opinions different than his own. But boy do I hear about it! Sometimes we have big fights and…
Oh, the movie review. The Tourist disappoints. Here’s why, the director had the wrong vision. The director’s vision was to show off Angelina Jolie in all her bony- shouldered, thick-lipped beautiful perfection. What the director missed was that The Tourist needed to have more humor, more camp, for it to work. Depp can be camp, ala Pirates; but although Angelina may be beautiful, funny she is not. In fact it is hard to believe she is even nice. She looks like the kind of person if you were to see her in public and want an autograph or something horrendous like that, she would act all hoity-toity: why is this person breathing my air. I don’t know, mind you, but she really doesn’t seem the friendly sort. Angelina’s role in The Tourist would probably been better played by Jennifer Aniston…wouldn’t that be a bit of irony?
Yeah, I think Depp and Aniston in The Tourist with a humorist twist would have created a fun thriller — I mean a nerdy guy running across those roofs in his pajamas — that could have been hilarious. But no, it was neither hilarious or exciting. Besides, Jennifer Aniston seems nice. She seems like the type if you’re an adoring fan asking for an autograph, she would be really gracious about it and chit-chat for a moment. Then when you were gone talk to her bodyguard or boyfriend or someone in her entourage, “Why didn’t you make that person go away!” She’d be like that, nice to your face and then slam you behind your back. But who knows, I haven’t met either woman. Maybe they should do a film together, the script could be awful, but people would see the movie hoping for the cat fight.
Which brings me to The Switch. For some reason this was billed as a comedy, and I guess technically since it had a happy ending made it a comedy, although I starting to cry a little bit in the middle. I hate movies that make me cry, especially if it is a stupid romance…blah! The Switch was not fun and upbeat. If you are wanting something fun and upbeat with Jennifer Aniston, watch that Adam Sandler film Just Go With It, which is the best film he’s done since 50 First Dates.
But anyway, in The Switch, the real story is about the bonding of father and son. Because it is about their bonding and not so much a stupid romance, the movie is tolerable. You start to understand the father, whoever played that role (it wasn’t Jennifer Aniston), through the strange personality of the brown eyed kid of two blue-eyed parents. Geneticists say that can happen, but it is rare — in fact I think that’s known as a mutation. Nevertheless, the casting director or somebody on that film crew should have caught that and made one of the parents wear brown contacts. That’s all that was needed, or change out the kid, but he was adorable, so keep the kid and go with the brown contacts so you have one parent with brown eyes. It could have been Jennifer, that way both fathers could have blue eyes lending to the confusion. Brown eyes on Jennifer might be pretty remarkable.
So here’s the verdict on The Tourist and The Switch. If you happen to love one of the actors starring in either film, you’ll see the movie regardless. If you are like me, and you watch movies just so you can trash them later, then both these movies are a must see. If however, you are a little picky about which movies you invest two or more hours of your time, pass on The Tourist. I mean it’s okay in a flat isn’t Angelina beautiful sort of way. I can only offer a big maybe for The Switch depending on your taste and mood, because although it’s more sad than funny it does offer some character development and doesn’t have a lot dumb romantic drama.
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